This is Love

I’ve never been one of those people who needs to be with someone just so that i’m not alone. I have never felt alone. There is always some animal or some plant to keep conversation with and truthfully, i’d rather talk to a horse than a human any day. I wouldn’t say i’ve always been a loner but i would say the only times i’ve ever been happy, i was alone.

When the sun sinks lower towards the horizon and my chores are all finished, i have a tendency to just stand in the yard and enjoy the beauty; watch the last ray of light leave. One evening i was doing just that when i realized how much trouble i had gotten myself into. I had fallen in love. I was truly head over heels, passionately in love with this piece of land. The dirt, the rocks, the grass, heck even the algae that grew in between the patches of grass, choking it out for its resources. I loved the big 100 and 200 year old oak trees, the baby oaks just trying to make it, the bright green rapidly populating cedars, the little feathery mimosa trees, the cactus, the agave, and the yucca. I loved the song birds and the whippoorwills. I loved the toads, the crickets, the butterflies, the hummingbirds…i loved the deer and even the coyotes. I loved the sunsets and the storms. I loved the cold weather and the heat of summer. I loved the laundry line. I loved the noise of the neighbor’s cows. I loved the earth of those 2 acres as if my own blood was soaked into it. I suddenly realized i had become one of those people who would sell a kidney or a lung before they would watch the bank take back the land from their cold dead fingers. I had never loved a human the way i loved this plot of land. This was something deep and instinctual. I felt a great connection to the land and all the non-human inhabitants that called it home. From the spiders to the mountain lions i knew this system was something fragile that had to be protected. On this plot of land i could keep the trees from being cut down, the deer from being hunted, the bees from being poisoned, and the dirt from being paved over. This land, as long as it was my land, was free to grow unhindered and undestroyed. It was free to thrive in all its glorious wilderness. For the first time in my life i felt fear like no other time. Fear of failure. For now i had something real to lose.

The Lightning Bug Show

During the summer the insect activity around the porch light soared to unmatched levels. Every time i opened the door to let the dogs in or out insects came in. For the longest time i didn’t know what i had. I thought i just had random brown beetle-like things coming in the house, until one particularly active night when i turned the lights off to go to bed and suddenly saw them. There were fireflies in the house. They were flying all around the kitchen and the living room area and they would light up the room for a second one at a time; little magical specks of light in the sleepy dark of the house. It was wonderful. After that, each time i saw a little brown beetle like thing on the wall i knew we were in for a treat come bed time. I would turn off the lights and lay there in the blankets cuddled up to Sili in the mosquito netting tent and watch the fireflies blink on and off throughout the living room.

Guardians of the Plants

Every plant nursery i have ever been to has had a cat and i’ll tell you why. The plant nurseries sell bird seed in big giant bags. They also water the plants regularly. Even the plants themselves bear fruits and veggies little things wouldn’t mind to eat. This means there is a steady supply of food and water for all sorts of rodents that would like to make their home amongst the plants. The cat is there to kill the mice that customers don’t like to see. Go turn over some of the ceramic pots in the outdoor section and see if you don’t find mouse turds in amongst the spider webs. The cats serve their purpose and this is why the owners of the nurseries put up with the incessant peeing on walls and outdoor display shelves. If you’re walking by and you get a wiff of ammonia, that’s what it is. This cat in particular patrols a plant nursery up in Austin. I generally get along very well with plant nursery cats. They’re always well fed and napping and don’t seem to mind a good pet.

Visiting the Family

One of my family members has a dog that we will call Gigi for the duration of this post. When i first brought Sili to meet Gigi years ago she was still afraid of everything and anything bigger than her. Gigi was bigger than her. So of course she growled and snarled at Gigi. But Gigi is a gentle giant; regal, patient, and usually resting somewhere in the sun. She saves her short bursts of infinite energy for rabbit hunting and doesn’t bother herself with the politics of other dogs and their issues. So i picked Sili up in my arms so that she would be taller than Gigi and leaned her down just enough so that she could sniff Gigi’s nose. As soon as she sniffed her she began wagging her tail and fell head over heals in love with Gigi. She was the older sister Sili never had. Sili copied her every move. If Gigi laid down, so did Sili. If Gigi got a drink, so did Sili. If Gigi sniffed a particular spot of grass on a walk, Sili sniffed that spot too. Sili loved Gigi and wanted to be right against her wherever she was, and Gigi… wanted space. Poor Gigi just wanted to lay on her bed unaccompanied, look out her window by herself, and get a drink from her bowl without company. But it made Sili so happy to be near her that Gigi tolerated her super close presence for the duration of each of our visits. So you can imagine the thoughts going through Gigi’s head when i opened the door and introduced her to the second one…Cashew. Now she had two dogs following her around wherever she went, copying her every move, and sitting super close to her when she tried to sunbathe in the yard. It was like her house had suddenly been converted into a daycare center for toddlers and she was unwillingly in charge. Her face in the pictures says it all. I don’t think Gigi enjoys our visits as much as one might guess but Sili and Cashew think she’s just the best thing to ever walk the planet and each time we drive through the gate and they figure out who we’re going to see the crying and jumping begins as chaos erupts in the car from the gate to the driveway. Gigi is their hero.

Sili had a relationship with Gigi before Cashew even existed so she wanted to spend some quality time with her beloved cousin. I finally took pity and peeled Cashew off of Gigi’s furr where she was trying to sleep. Cashew spent some time with her mommy while Sili and Gigi caught up. They just hung out quietly in the yard, because that’s what Gigi liked to do, and Sili was a little more respectful of that than Cashew.

Gigi’s mom was a chef. There was always something good to eat every time we went for a visit. However, this time around it was one of my favorites…vegan german chocolate cake. To die for. I mean sinfully sweet and moist. It was the best!

The Scorpions

The first time i encountered a scorpion in the tiny house was in May. It was after dark. I had washed the dishes and put the food away. I was walking away from the kitchen area and headed for the rocking chair. I heard a very prominent “clink” noise in the sink. I knew it was an insect because i hadn’t left anything in the sink that could “clink”. However, i expected to turn around and see a june bug. It was not a june bug. It was a big old scorpion and it could see me. It met me with pinchers outstretched when i leaned in to take a closer look at the intruder. I began to realize that this thing had to have been on the ceiling. I mean, where else could it have dropped from that would have made such a “clink” noise? It started trying to climb out of the sink. It was a big old boy so i was pretty sure it would figure it out if given the time. I looked for the nearest thing i had handy. The dish washing soap would have to do. I smashed it and smashed it until it stopped moving. The first scorpion of the year was dead. I scooped it onto a “no trespassing” sign i had lying around and threw it outside for the road runners to eat. The second scorpion that arrived was a smaller one. I was lying on the floor with the dogs on either side of me. They were finally still and i was taking the opportunity to doze off for a few minutes. Something startled me awake and i happened to glance over at Cashew just in time to see a scorpion raise its tail to sting Cashew’s foot. In my sleepy delirium there was no time to communicate. I grabbed the puppy by the paw and slid her across the floor quick before the scorpion could bring its stinger down. Now i was mad. It was going to sting Cashew in her sleep for absolutely no reason. How dare it go after my puppy in our own house while she rested?! So i grabbed the nearest thing (my diary) and smashed it with a level of anger i hadn’t channeled in a while. All that was left of it was goo when i was finished. The third and fourth scorpions were unimpressive encounters. It was really just a matter of recognizing movement within the pattern of the floor. They were both very young scorpions; very little. I was amazed i saw them at all. However, the 5th scorpion was perhaps the biggest of all the scorpions i had to kill. It was certainly the smartest. There was a huge scorpion that lived underneath the trash can in my tool shed. The day our 5th little intruder entered the house, the one in the shed disappeared. I have always suspected our 5th scorpion was the same one that lived in the shed. It was big. In the bug world, you don’t get to be big by being stupid. You get to be big by being cunning and cautious. This scorpion was. Believe you me, this scorpion was. It started out along the ceiling in the bathroom. When it saw me it ducked behind the interior wall against the framing where i could not follow it. Over the next week i would find this thing on the wall, in the sink drain, and in the wall outlet. It would hide in places i couldn’t reach it. One night i checked everywhere for it and when it was nowhere to be seen i leaned on the sink to examine a blemish in the mirror. On autopilot, i plugged in my cell phone charger. When i glanced back over at the outlet a giant scorpion had emerged from behind it. Every time i went to smash it the scorpion scurried behind the outlet plate into the wall. One night i went to brush my teeth. Half way through brushing i spit the excess foam into the sink and turned on the water to wash it down the drain. The giant scorpion emerged from under the sink drain. It was like something out of a horror movie. When i least suspected it the scorpion was there. Every time i hunted it the thing was gone. This time i had it in the sink and i knew i had to act fast before it emerged from the drain completely. While its tail was still down the drain i pulled the drain stopper and caught the scorpion in mid escape. For a while it hung there, opening and closing its pinchers at me. I turned the water on and tried to drown it but it appeared to be swimming and it wasn’t dying. So i opened and closed the drain a few times; trying to cut it in half. When that didn’t work i grabbed a glass mouthwash bottle and smashed the scorpion into tiny pieces over and over again until it finally stopped moving. I had to kill this sucker that knew how to hide in walls and drains. He was too smart. After the intelligent bathroom scorpion i stopped counting. There were a couple more but by autumn they really stopped appearing. Everyone seemed very concerned about the scorpions in my house and offered all sorts of ideas about how to stop them, including digging a mote around the house and filling it with diatomaceous earth. It just seemed like a futile effort in my mind. I slept in a mosquito net tent in a 384 square foot box but i lived in a 2 acre scorpion habitat. They were there first. I was inhabiting their territory. Also, there were hundreds of them. What was i going to do, hope to assassinate them all? No, better to just get good at killing them and leave the ones who didnt come in the house alone. There were plenty of spaces large enough for a scorpion to crawl through in the walls of my house; especially around light fixtures, light switch plates, and outlets. However, i was averaging 4 hours of sleep a night as i was trying to balance work, school, homesteading, and training a puppy. There was no time to go around on my hands and knees with a tube of plaster. That would have to be a project for another season of my life.

Planting the Meyer Lemon Tree

I had been keeping a meyer lemon tree in a plastic pot on the porch for a number of years. It averaged one or two lemons per year. However, it never really thrived. There was no place for its roots to go. It had long outgrown the pot it was in and if i put it in a pot that was very much bigger i wouldn’t be able to lift it to bring it in during the winter. I decided to plant it. Everyone i knew gave me grief for this. “Meyer lemons don’t like cold” “meyer lemons won’t survive the winter” “don’t you know meyer lemons belong indoors in pots?” However, i made a decision when i bought the property. No more indoor trees. I mean, the house was 384 square feet. I lived with 2 dogs. There was barely enough room for the three of us to fit perfectly. There was no room for a tree. It either survived in the ground or it didn’t but i wasn’t having it indoors. I had a plan involving heat lamps for the trees during the winter. I wasn’t sure it was going to work but like everything else out on my property…it was worth a try. So i dug a hole, put the lemon tree in, and filled the area with dirt. Then i cut some fencing and fastened it together around the lemon tree. Then i hammered some rebar through the fencing and into the ground. I had to render the tree deer proof. I would worry about making it winter proof later. The 2 lemons on it dropped immediately as the plant dealt with the shock of being transplanted. Over the next few months the tree would try to put out new growth 4 separate times but each time the ants and grasshoppers would devour it before it even got a chance to grow to full size. They loved the shiny new green leaves. Truthfully, by the end of summer i was not sure if any of the trees i planted were going to make it through the winter due to the damage done by pests. My property was not a hospitable environment for young trees. Only the established trees seemed to be capable of survival. I wondered how many years i would have to replant before i got them to survive until reaching the level of “established”. I tried to remain optimistic. As long as there was one leaf, there was a chance i could nurse each tree through to next spring. Just as long as there was one leaf.

Time for More Vaccinations

More fever, more tremors, more crying and whimpering. Her little body displayed such a severe reaction to those shots each time but i couldn’t get the heartworm preventative medicine unless she had them so again i wrapped her in a jacket, turned on soothing music, and held her in the car seat until it passed. I knew that many human vaccines still contained mercury. I wasn’t sure what was in hers but whatever it was, it sure didn’t like Cashew. My poor wild child.

A Touch of Character

I had been living with the plywood in the windows for so long i had just gotten used to my little house looking like a boarded up abandoned strip mall. When i stood on a chair and slid my sister’s curtains onto each rod the house began to look like a space i would associate with myself. It was very much my style. My sister knew me incredibly well and the curtains were better than i could have ever imagined. They made the tiny house look lived in. It wasn’t an abandoned building anymore. It looked like a little house. I started to realize that this was happening. Piece by piece the place would come together and one day it would be all straightened out, but right at that moment i had curtains and that was an amazing feeling considering it had been a life long dream to own some. I tried to be as productive as an aussie on the weekends because it was my only real time to spend on projects for the homestead. However, there would definitely be a few days when i would keep all the curtains drawn and hide from the world in my bed with a dog face pressed against mine.

A Box from my Sister

I knew my sister was making curtains for the tiny house but she was also planning a pretty monumental life event so i didn’t have any sort of timeline or expectation as to when they would be finished. Truthfully, after the plywood went in the windows i kind of forgot about it. I had always lived in apartments with blinds. I was pretty old school when it came to decorating and it had been a life-long dream of mine to have curtains. I really wanted something beige with flowers. I loved maroon, teal, olive green, and navy blue. I told my sister anything with those colors or one of those colors would be good. She sent me a picture of a fabric she found in a store in her state that she thought i might like. I fell in love with the first fabric she picked for me. She sent other options but i knew right away; the first fabric was the one! She told me she would make them so that i could tie them up or leave them down and i sent her the measurements of the windows. I wanted them short enough so that they wouldn’t hang on the ground, both because of all the dust that settled on the floor during the dry season and because of pet hair. My sister is good at everything i’m not. If you need your roof repaired, i can do that. If you need a railing built on your porch, i can help you with that too. If the tin has come away from the frame of your well house, i can fix that. If you need a tree chopped down, i’ll have it in the firewood pile in no time. However, i would be that person with a laundry line full of shirts with holes mended by crude stitches that resemble a kindergarteners handywork, and they’re all mended with thick black thread…cuz that’s what i had on hand at the time. I can knit in one direction; forwards. I can make a scarf…maybe once every 3 years. If i miss a stitch and need to go backwards a row, i literally mail the thing to my sister, she fixes the row and mails it back. I wouldn’t call myself domestic. My sister though, she used to sew the costumes for ballet austin. She’s a genius when it comes to the sewing machine, so i knew the curtains would be beautiful but i had no idea how exquisite they would turn out. One day i stopped at the post office to get my mail and the clerk told me, “You know you have a box here.” I looked in the mailbox and sure enough, there was a notification card telling me i had a box at the post office counter. I handed him the card and he handed me a medium sized white box with my sister’s handwriting on it. I knew immediately what it was. I was giddy with excitement! I couldn’t even wait until i got to the car. I set the box on the postal counter and cut into it with my box cutter. Inside was golden tissue paper. As i carefully pulled back the decorative paper the curtains were revealed. They were beautiful, and so delicate! I felt like i had ordered something from a sears catalogue back when that was a thing. My sister had kept something from me; a surprise. She had added a maroon ribbon across the top of each curtain to match the ties and she hadn’t said anything, knowing i loved maroon and would probably be thrilled by the extra touch. I was. The maroon ribbon across the top made it! They were so special! I was afraid to unfold them. They were packaged so neatly and folded in such a delicate manner. She had even ironed the fabric. I was speechless. My sister was definitely good at all things domestic. I couldn’t have bought nicer curtains if i had spent a thousand dollars. These i would cherish forever.

At the bottom of the box was a plate that my sister had picked up with me in mind on her last trip. Unlike me, my sister loved to travel. She was not afraid of planes or death or airport security. She learned new languages and jet setted to different countries all the time. She knew i used to collect pretty plates from thrift stores, especially with plants or vines painted or carved in them. So she thought of me when she saw this plate on one of her trips and into the box it went. I put it with my dishes in my extension shed. What a lovely package to receive!