Tips for Surviving Summer In Texas

the other day i looked over at the thermometer i have mounted against the house on the front porch and it read “112 degrees”. I dont know if the wall is a different temperature than the rest of the town because it was only supposed to be 106, or maybe it was just possessed, but that is what it read. It has been humid and smoky on top of the heat itself. I’ll take a dry heat to a humid heat any day. The weather here has been, well, suffocating.

Tip # 1: Begin storing your boxers in the freezer. Alternate pairs so when you take one out you put another one in. They hold the cold longer if you spray them with water before placing them in, as they essentially become a popsicle instead of just cold fabric. always have at least one pair of boxers on ice so you can cool down instantaneously.

Tip # 2: clothes are overrated. In the summer, in texas, you dont need pants. Boxers, shorts, whatever you want to wear. I put pants on to do chores in which i may encounter snakes and scorpions but in the house, the less clothes you have on, the better you can feel the A/C coming through the window unit.

Tip # 3: take a random 2 minute cold shower. Its just enough to get your hair wet. Now go stand in front of the window unit with the back of your head facing it. You’re welcome.

Tip # 4: have plenty of popsicles on hand. that one’s just self explanatory.

Tip # 5: Fill a kiddy pool with water and then get in it and suck on a mint lifesaver. You will feel like you are experiencing air conditioning as your mind is tricked by the cool numbing sensation from the mint life saver. mint gum can be substituted if life savers are not on hand.

Tip # 6: Keep a spray bottle of water on hand to mist your skin so when that window unit kicks on you can stand in front of it and get the full benefit of the cool air.

Tip # 7: Have lots of ice. I mean, ice for you, ice for the dog water, and ice for the chicken water. One, if the water is hot an animal in heat distress can do worse to raise their body temperature by drinking the hot water than if they just died of dehydration. You have to keep the water in their bowls from being hot when they are panting and doing everything they can to lower their body temperature. Two, if you place a bowl of ice in their pen, it will keep the chickens busy pecking at it as well as cool them from the inside out as they eat it. Get to the dollar general early as by late afternoon the ice cooler is nearly empty and what is there is mostly melted because the door has been opened so many times.

Tip # 8: take all the blankets off the bed. You dont need them. You wont need them until september. The less linens, the better.

Tip # 9: dont heat the leftovers. Eat them cold and drink your coffee iced as well during the summer months.

Tip # 10: try to do laundry after sundown so the dryer isnt running during the day. Try to cook after sundown if you must use the oven or the stove.

Tip # 11: pray. I pray every morning for God to keep the animals from heat stroke, restock the dollar general with ice, and beyond everything dont let anything happen to the window unit a/c. That thing is gold.

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      1. Yup. Sun is down. Its 91 degrees. Ive eaten all the popsicles and the dollar general truck has not brought more yet. Shorts are in the freezer and myself and both dogs are parked in front of the window unit while i drink tea with lots and lots of ice. I think what makes it worse this year is there’s a heat lamp on in the bathroom for some baby chicks but, what are ya gonna do…at this stage they need to be warm. -_-

      2. I’ve made tiny popsicles in an ice cube tray. Fill the cube spots with your favorite freezable liquid, put a piece of aluminum foil on the top. Stick toothpicks through the foil and into the liquid that will freeze.

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