A pregnant coworker with a 1 year old at home who works full time turned around in her chair and folded her arms, “Tell me, cuz i want to know. I want to know what is so time consuming that you cant find time to fit in projects or sleep. I want to know what it is that you are doing that takes up so much time.” She was making an implication that she gets a ton of stuff done while raising a kid, pregnant, running a household, and working full time and she knew i was not pregnant and did not have any kids and was in her mind calling me on managing my time poorly or being dramatic. I sighed internally but i dont think my disappointment showed outwardly. Its just a different way of life that i choose to live than the one they prefer in the city. When they go home they have a microwave waiting for them and they have a counter, so they dont have to clear everything from the top of the stove to the top of the dog crate when they want to cook. To do dishes they dont have to lug a forty lb dishwasher cube onto the porch and plug it in to the outdoor outlet, run a drainage tube off the porch into a home depot bucket, zip tie it in place, fill it with 3 quarts of water, add soap, and press start. They dont have to do a snake or scorpion check before showering or going to the toilet. They just get in or sit down. They dont have to lug water 500 ft from the well-house to the orchard to water. They either turn on the sprinklers or they use the hose. I have 500 ft of hose which i cant use because i’d have to put it up in the shed every night and its just easier to use the watering can. The field mice chew extension cords and hosing. Anything vinyl, rubber, or plastic, they’ll chew on. To leave it out overnight would be to render it useless. To drink the water they just turn on their kitchen faucet. I have two glass jugs in the fridge and they’re always in some stage of rotation. While im drinking out of one im refilling the other. First you have to go to the spigot on the side of the well house. Fill the 1/2 gallon filter pitcher with well water. It takes about 30 minutes to remove the sulfur. Then you transfer the water to the glass kettle in the kitchen to boil any bacteria in the water. Once its boiled you must pour the water into the glass pitcher sitting on the stove and then repeat the process because some will have evaporated during the boiling. Once the glass pitcher is full you lay a paper towel over the top and leave it 3 hours to cool before putting the lid on and storing it back in the fridge so you have something to drink from. All water for the animals must be carted by hand to their pens and placed in their bowls or dispensers. Grasshoppers in the greenhouse must be stalked and killed and scorpions in the house must be stalked and killed. Because i dont free range the chickens i have to catch them pill bugs, scorpions, walking sticks, praying mantis, katydids, and june bugs to eat. Anything broken must be repaired. The lawnmower blades must be taken apart, sharpened, and reassembled. The bolts on the carport must be periodically tested and tightened. The cement must be reburied after every rainstorm. The two acres of grass must be mowed with a battery powered push mower as a riding mower would be an expensive thing to lose on a rock or stump. All-together its a 6 to 8 hour endeavor. Trees must be trimmed. Holes for new trees must be dug by hand. Each one is a three hour endeavor with a metal stick and a shovel. She shook her head in disapproval, “See you and i are going to have to get together because i would organize your life so much different. You need drinkable water in the faucet…you need -.” I interrupted her but i did not raise my voice. I calmly stated, “And that would not be homesteading. I could live some place where everything came instant. I could. Life in the tiny house in the woods; everything is done by hand. I need life that way. I chose to have life that way. When i live in the city i wonder about the purpose of my life a lot, because i didnt work for anything that came to me instantly and then i have time that i feel i have to be doing something profound with. On the homestead, i have to work for everything that comes to me and i never worry about what my purpose in life is. I dont have time. And also, i think on a homestead the purpose of life is the living. In the city people have a home to sleep at so they can raise their kids and go to work. I have a day job so that i can hold onto my homestead financially. If i could stay there forever and the bank wouldnt come take it i would. I just dont want to make anything instant out there because its in the ritual of doing in order to get that the question of ‘why am i here’ disappears for me.” Her face changed and i could tell she understood. I was not lazy or terrible with time management. Just because i had no children did not translate into i should have infinite amounts of free time. We were doing different things in life. She was raising a family in the city and working full time and i was homesteading in the country and working full time and we both had similar amounts of free time: none. Comparison is the thief of joy and the extinguisher of empathy. I could see in her face she understood and she answered, “Okay. You and i are living very different lives. Its just two very different ways to live. I wouldnt like it but i dont have to and if you like it that way, you are completely allowed to have it that way. I just wouldnt like everything hand done. I like efficiency.” I felt similarly about her marriage signified by the beautiful sparkly rock on her ring finger. So much compromise, so much negotiation, so much asking each other’s permission to do things…so much learning through trial and error how not to crush the other one’s spirit…. I had no interest in this dance. But, she seemed to enjoy it and i totally respected that marriage was for her even if it wasnt my particular cup of tea. That looks like too much work to me just like what im doing looks like too much work to her. We’re just different people with different priorities. I generally know this about myself in relation to other people but i find neurotypical people have a strange habit of assuming everyone around them is like them and occasionally need a visual to remind them most people actually vary greatly in their differences from each other. So i will continue to be sleep deprived for what is important to me and she will too because she is perhaps the greatest most thoughtful, intentional and determined mother i know and she is raising one hell of a child and im sure she will be no different with the next one. She’s also really good at what we do at work. She is a solid professional in her field and she will remain a legit, appreciated asset to this company while she raises children in the process. We’re all striving for something that’s important to us. So even though we’re walking different paths…the hills to climb along the way may be made of different terrain but it makes them no shorter than the other.
