Sula

There was no evidence of deer in the yard for 3 or 4 days, despite me leaving watermelon rind and the chicken scratch being everywhere the chickens flung it. There was no poop, no tracks, and no indentations in the dirt where they slept at night. Sula and her youngest daughter “Little One” were gone. I searched for them in the surrounding woods and along the access road they sometimes walked along to get between properties. I called them at dusk. I left food out. It remained untouched and after a couple days i quit, not wanting to attract the wrong kind of company; raccoons. The dogs barked around the same time each night, as if Little One were home. I would rush out onto the porch and search for her near orange fur moving amongst the grey tree branches. I put on my glasses and the headlamp and finally actually climbed through the branches and searched myself in the direction the dogs were looking. They would stand and face the spot Little One had been born; the spot Little One and Sula usually slept at night. They would face it and bark and bark and bark at a certain time around sundown. I finally yelled at them, “They’re not here you crazy dogs?! What are you barking at?!” It did not cross my mind that maybe they could see something i couldnt. I was just frustrated because they were yoyo-ing my emotions. Every time they sounded the doorbell of frenzied barking i thought Sula and Little One were here. But they werent. The yard was quiet and empty. No rustling in the trees, no tentative footsteps or snorting followed by the clacking of spooked hooves against limestone rock. It was deafeningly quiet and it was killing me. The car could only have hit one of them, but which one, and where was the other? Had she died or was the deer in question sporting a broken leg or two somewhere. Was the remaining doe keeping her company? A neighbor a couple miles down the road had set up a deer trap to sell to game ranches weeks ago. I didnt know enough about it. Did they take only the bucks or everyone? Did they let the does go? If Sula walked in there enticed by food would she be trucked away? The whole week and its circumstances and dangers gave me an uneasy feeling. Then one night the dogs sounded the doorbell of frenzied barking again. I assumed they were just being crazy and nothing would be there only to find three gray does standing at a distance in the yard. I searched frantically, trying to see if any of them were Sula. I didnt think any but the one in the back were big enough to be Sula but all of them exhibited skittish behaviors and body language that let me know they were not Sula. Sula had been here before i was here. This was her home long before i bought it. She walked around like she owned the place, just as did Little One. She wouldnt have poised to sprint and put her ears back in terror the way this deer did. I sulked and turned my head lamp off. I forced myself to make the best of a poor situation and went in the house to get them something out of the fridge. The first night i broke up and tossed out a yellow squash. The second night i tossed 2 strawberries. It wasnt enough to “feed” them…just to let them know i was friendly and not one of those humans with a rifle and a hunting license. I wanted them to feel comfortable returning to sleep there at night, as Sula had. But nobody would ever be Sula. She was the doe that came back to my property to give birth in the same corner every time she was pregnant. No deer would ever replace Sula. I was in damage control mode but inside i was devastated. Every time i saw a deer beside the road on the way to or from work i had to look and see if it was Sula. She was slightly bigger than her daughter. But if her daughter wasnt present, would i be able to tell without the reference?

One day i was driving home and i could swear i saw Sula. It was a statuesque doe grazing all alone about a mile from home. She stayed far from the street and she looked relaxed. I slowed, no one behind me…i rolled down the window and said, “hi Sula…” she lifted her head, made eye contact, and looked at me. Her ears were curious, not scared, and she made no move to run. She stretched her neck out and sniffed the air in my direction. I said again, “Sula”. She just stood there looking at me, turned her body to face the side of the car, and continued grazing and watching me. I thought it might be Sula but without Little One for reference i wasnt sure.

That night the 3 gray deer appeared again. Two stuck together and one peeled off in the direction of Sula’s corner under her tree and had a sniff around. She was timid at first and i thought that i should name these new deer. I should have something to call them. But i was still wounded and had no creativity to think of proper names. I threw out three strawberries: one for each deer, and headed back towards the house. I turned around to see the one that had been checking out Sula’s corner eating a strawberry. She had stepped forward and grabbed it. She bobbed her head and stared at me nonchalantly while she chewed. It was Sula! I hadnt considered that she might be a bit skittish after watching her daughter get hit by a car and probably die of her injuries. It was Sula. She had been hanging out with an older daughter, Ninme. I hadnt spent as much time with her oldest daughter or sister and so i wasnt sure which was which, but she had an additional doe with her. I guessed maybe she brought her two surviving older daughters home.

Last night i found the three of them bedding down in the orchard under the cedar where i have always suspected Sula had last year’s fawn. Little one is gone. I have not seen a trace of her since the day i heard the awful thud. The does are just now having fawns. Due to the drought, they did not have spring babies. Now spotted newborns are emerging next to every road. I dont think Sula will have a fawn this year. She’s pretty skeletal compared to past years. Im glad she is home.