One of These Things Doesn’t Belong…

I don’t want to talk about it. Its hard not to though when its the first thing visitors see in the yard. You drive up and BAM, there’s a laundry machine visible through the windshield. I never intended it to be there. It was supposed to go to the landfill, and when that didn’t happen a person on craigslist, and after that fell through someone on the online garage sale website. I’m going to summarize this **** fest as best i can in as little time as possible. The guy with the trailer is not willing to help me cart it to the dump. The guy willing to help me cart it to the dump only has a mammoth livestock-hauling truck and not a trailer with a ramp that lets down to the ground. The company that would rent me a pick-up has a strict “no towing” policy and the truck will not come with the pieces required to hitch a trailer. The company that would rent me a trailer does not have trucks; you have to bring your own. The dolly i tried to order is on back-order at lowes and home depot swears they don’t make it even though im staring at it on their website right now. The moving companies will send a crew to move things from a living space to another living space, but not to a landfill. Everyone on the online garage sale page says they’re coming, i take the day off work to meet them, and never hear from them again. Everyone on craigslist gets super axe-murderer level angry about “this thing that’s been sitting in the yard for God knows how long, even though i’m acquiring it for free and its listed ‘as is’, it better work when i plug it in or i’m getting right back in the truck and i’m coming for you.” The last guy that threatened me about the functionality of the hunk of metal in my yard…i told him to keep the truck where it was cuz i was keeping the washer, declaring it yard art, and saying to **** with the whole thing. I took the ad down. I went back to work. I didn’t have any more time to spend on peoples’ nonsense and their lies about “i’m gonna be there, i promise. I’m coming to pick it up.” And now i have a washer/dryer unit in my yard. It will probably be there when i’m 90. And i hate the **** out of it, i hate that blindingly white out-of-place rectangle of metal so ***-****** much, and yet, there it stands…quietly defying my determination to have a landscape of uninterupted nature. A giant modern appliance; one lone pillar in a field.

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