When Doctors don’t Make Sense

I tried to have biological children. I was told i had various forms of infertility and i had genetic disorders that i would likely pass on to any biological offspring, so it would be selfish to continue attempting to have a biological child.

I tried to adopt children. I was told i was an unideal candidate for motherhood due to a “disability”….one that doesnt stop me from having a career, owning my own house, running a homestead, paying my taxes, driving a car, and maintaining healthy social and professional relationships… but apparently is so disabling that i should not be allowed to parent parentless children.

I tried to foster children. I was told that as a single candidate with a career, i did not have the time and availability required to drop everything and go when the program said i needed to be somewhere at a moment’s notice.

Some of my peers pointed out to me that i was attempting to put myself in a situation of motherhood because that’s what i wanted, not because it was a financially or logistically intelligent endeavor.

My gynecologist respectfully asked me to find another gynecologist because she didnt believe children should be born to single parents with a disability and so she couldnt be my gynecologist any longer.

I take over a decade to think on the matter. I try various options to obtain parenthood. I explore fertility treatments, surrogacy, adoption, fostering, and apply for jobs as a nanny. If i cannot raise my own children perhaps i can assist someone else in raising theirs. No one hires me. It turns out nannying is a very competitive field and it is preferable that you know multiple languages, several instruments, be certified in cpr, and have taken college level courses on child development. I accept that motherhood is not what God had intended for me when he formed me and brought me into this world. I take all the money i’ve worked 60+ hours a week for several years to save up for the procurement of parenthood and sink it into a piece of land. I turn my attention to being a good steward of fruit trees and animals. Apparently i am qualified to mother animals. Also, they don’t require college funds. So there’s that.

I have a 21 year medical issue that is now greatly decreasing the quality of my life and the longevity of my kidneys. I ask for a hysterectomy. The answer from all corners of the medical field is a resounding “no”. Why?

“You might want to be a mother one day.”

I suppose that is what one would call “irony”. I call it contradictory.

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