Town Meeting

I recently visited a friend from China. He and his wife let me choose from a number of paintings (illustrated bible verses) done by their student. I chose this one, because it is the thing i struggle with most. Perhaps it will remind me not to be afraid as i either endure or choose change in an inevitable upcoming season of differences.

4 new subdivisions. A liquor store. A bar. A 24 hour gym. A gelato/wine/panini/antique shop. An art gallery. A new animal shelter. an expanded sewer and water line.

I have a pit in my stomach. I had planned to fight to hold onto what i love until the end but take the wilderness and there’s not much here for me. It seems that they are not just intent upon turning this nowhere and nothing post office location into a thriving vibrant city…they’ve already started.

I cant fix four subdivisions of people. This battle, i’ve already lost. If i am smart i will wait until the value of my property is driven to the point where i can neither afford my taxes nor my mortgage interest rate and then i will sell and move to the middle of nowhere, probably some remote part of tennessee…. My neighbor is thinking the same thing i am. We are going to be replaced with wealthier people. We can go down hard and lose everything to the bank or we can sell at the opportune moment and make a profit. It is 10:30 and i am still awake, reading and rereading the town plans. It is a strange thought, to think that your home is not your permanent home. I had planned to grow old here, die here, be buried here…but do i still want that if here includes two chick fil A’s and a shopping mall? Could i be happy in Tennessee? There are different trees, different weather, different soil, different varmints… i would have to build another dog run, another chicken pen, these curtains are hand fitted and sewn to fit these windows by my sister. What about the fruit trees, the pecan tree, the elm tree…. Do i have it in me to start over? Would i regret leaving? Will i regret staying if i miss that opportune moment to put it on the market and make enough profit to buy land elsewhere and then the wilderness around me disappears, replaced by concrete.? Do i have it in me to not leave and render myself involuntarily part of a city once more? I have a splitting headache.

Update: i’ve had some time to think, to research properties in Tennessee, and what it would take to become licensed to practice in another state. Though i would like to say i will stay here with the network of friends i’ve made, the job i love, and the property i’ve put my tears and sweat into…in all likelihood i will stay about a year after this town becomes fully citified. Until i can stand it no longer. And then, my soul starving for all things wild and undisturbed, will likely take an exam, call a real estate agent, move everything i own into storage, board the dogs and chickens, move house, start over, rebuild animal habitats, erect fences, dig trenches, bury wire fencing, and learn to avoid/fend off bears and drive in snow or ice. It is unlike me to seek change but forced into a city, i will go where the animals and the vegetation are still wild. I want to be surrounded by trees. It is important. To me, their presence is like the presence of air to my lungs. My choice is not popular amongst my friends. Many think im being childish or dramatic. Why would i move house just because of a few subdivisions? For these people, different things are important. These people can breathe amongst concrete, glass, and steel. For them the trees are regarded as an indifference to their survival. For me, it is not so. The argument i hear most often is that there is no place on earth i can run where development wont follow. Perhaps that is true. And if it is, rest will have to wait until old age because i will be moving often. Now that ive tasted wide open land i can never again live in the stifling overwhelm of concrete and civilized progress.

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  1. Check out Navajo and Apache counties in Arizona. There are some *expensive* places, but going farther north (but still south of I-40) looks to be some nice rural areas.

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